Ask the Author (Crackerduck Style)
by crackerduck
Summary: Just an Ask the Author Story... Not much Read and find out. Rated T just in case. I don't own Gravity Falls :(
1. Chapter 1

A young man in a blue and white trucker hat walks out onto a dark stage. The spotlights are on him.

"Hello everybody! Thanks for coming out tonight! My name is Dipper Pines, and this is Ask the Author! (Crackerduck Style) Now, Introducing, The amazing, crazy, totally insane, CRACKERDUCK!"

He points into the distance and in walks in a girl with shiny brown hair in a side braid and black skinny jeans, brown 3/4 boots, and a long, red tank top.

She sits down in the black chair across from where Dipper just sat. "Nice to be here, Dip! Mind if I explain the rules?"

Dipper nods and she smiles. "Okay, first things first. you can send me any question you want, PM or review. I would appreciate that you don't curse, or say anything bad about me or my stories. If you curse, I will not use the question, If you say something bad about me, my stories, or my much-loved fans," She winks at the camera," then that question will not be used, got it? Good." She pauses for a moment and is deep in thought.

"That's it! Oh, and one more thing. Be extravagant with your questions, I want weird questions, fun questions, hard question, crazy questions."

She stands up, along with Dipper, who will be part of the show from now on. "See you next time! Bye Crackerducklings!"


	2. Chapter 2

Dipper is on the stage again. He picks up a microphone and sits in the black velvet chair on the stage.

"Hello everybody! Thanks for coming out again! My Name is still Dipper Pines, and this lady sitting here is Crackerduck!" He points to Crackerduck, who is wearing a baby blue tank top, 3/4 sleeve white cardigan, faded denim skinny jeans, and brown 3/4 boots.

"Hi everybody!" She smiles, "I would like to note, before I answer questions, that this will be the last episode that I have on this stage. The rest will be in random areas."

"Also, new rule, I will only accept PM requests after this. If you are a guest, then you can review. That's it!"

"So, do you want me to give you the questions?" Dipper asks. She nodded and Dipper hands her the flash cards.

"This first one is from DidSomeoneSayDipperPines."

"_Wait, Dipper called you amazing? I'm his girlfriend! I'm gonna write him such a letter . . . _"

She pauses, while Dipper blushes.

"_But anyway here's my question-thingy: GUESS WHO MADE WAFFLES! _

_Also: Did you see Dreamscaperers yet? I watched it today, and lets just say that I'm still shocked. I cried the first time I saw it."_

"Hmmm... I'm gonna go with... You. Can I have some?" She laughs. "Ok, and that second question. No. I haven't. NO SPOILERS PLEASE!"

"Next up, this one is from lalagirl16."

"_I have one very serious question. *whispering quickly* which of course is not a part of any large complicated plan I have made that I may achieve world domination *normal voice* Here it is. *hyper shouting* Do you like pizza? Huh? Huh? Do ya? Do ya like it? TEELLLL MMEEEEE..."_

"YES YES YES YES YES!" She screams. Dipper looks at her oddly, and so does the staff. She clears her throat. "I REALLY like pizza."

"Ok... Um.. next one is from ThatWatermelonChick."

_"Here's meh question for chu:_

_Why are you such an amazing writer? Also do you want to join the hedgehog club? It's hosted by my pet hedgehog Coco Huffington The Third!"_

"Question one: I don't know, I really don't think I'm as good of a writer as you say. Question 2: YES! I LOVE HEDGEHOGS!"

Yet again, Dipper likes at her oddly, and she clears her thoat.

"Anyways, that's it! Please send in as many questions as possible! Catch us me next time in my special location! BYE!"


	3. Chapter 3

Crackerduck is sitting next to 2 girls, all in their pajamas, and sitting on a bed (Dipper is sitting way off to the side, awkwardly)

Crackerduck is wearing a bubblegum pink tank top and turquoise fluffy pajama bottoms, her hair in a side braid.

One of the girls is a freckled brunette, and her hair was long and wavy. She wears an Avril Lavinge t-shirt and white fuzzy pajama bottoms with cherries on them.

The second girl is also freckled and has blonde hair, and tanned skin. She wears dark green pajama pants and shirt, and fuzzy purple socks.

"Hey guys!" Crackerduck yells, "I told you we would be in a different place today!"

She smiles. "Here I have with me today, DidSomeoneSayDipperPines, and ThatWatermelonChick, Who would like to be called Snivy and Milly."

"Hmmm... I guess I should Get a nickname for myself. Well, If you have read my profile, you would know that my middle name is Clara, so I am, CLARA CRACKERDUCK!" She smiles wildly!" Now, there is only Dipper and the other girls to look at her weirdly.

"Anyways, Today, I am in the great LONE STAR STATE! I was in Maine, but when I had to go somewhere else, I decided to go here!"

Milly speaks up. "She teleported to us using her powers, and then took us here."

Snivy speaks up as well. "Fun fact, getting too much smile dip can give you teleportation and healing powers. We've been here a while with Clara, but know she is fine."

Everyone smiles widly. "Now to the questions! (Btw, I did not post that review on chapter 2. Somebody got on to my account, but I changed the password. I see what he/she did as sabotage. He/she probably tryed to make me look like a phony...)"

"The first one is from Maxwell StormHeart. BTW, Stormy, I said that you need to send requests through PM now, so... hehe."

"I_ have only just noticed this but was that idea of calling every one of your fans "Crackerducklings" supposed to be related to Inthelittlewood calling everyone of his fans "saplings"?_"

"No. I actually have never heard of him..."

"Ok, next is from artisticgurl"

_"What would you do if a company bought Harry Potter and re-did all of the movies plus the books?"_

"I would die. All of the Harry Potter books are so well written."

"Somebody told me that people with dyslexia can read Harry Potter with no problem because of the way she wrote it." Snivy says.

"Ok, next is from gffanficwriter."

_"Could you beat up Dipper?"_

"Could I? I used to be able to beat my cousin at arm wrestling before he started training for the Olympics."

Milly looks at Crackerduck. "Your cousin was in the Olympics?"

"Yeah! If you watched the diving Olympics, he won a bronze in synchronized 10 meter platform in 2012. His name is Nick McCrory. MY dad also won the bronze in swimming in the 1976 Olympics"

"Wow."

"Anyways, Snivy, do I have permission to beat up your boyfriend?"

She nods vigorously. "Snivy!" Dipper yells.

* * *

**3 minutes later**

Dipper sits back down with a black eye, a bloody nose, and a pinky that looks like it's broken.

"Next question, is from creepy person that hacked my account.'

_"ok um... I need to know, what is your fave Hogwarts House?_

_Also, do you have a crush on anyone? (Gravity Falls or real life)_

_What is the meaning of the other fanfics on your profile?_

_You don't have to answer the following question:_

_Is there anything that you want to get off you're chest?_

_You can tell us anything!"_

"My favorite Hogwarts house is definitely Ravenclaw." She pulls out Ravenclaw long socks and puts them on."

"Yess I do... His name is Jacob... I USED to have a crush on Dipper when I first watched the show." She and Dipper Both blush crimson. "But that was a while ago. I started writing ESR(DE) because I liked him, but then I finished it and made the sequel because I realized that I love writing romance..."

"Umm... Well, my first fanfic was on Ice Age... I was stupid during spring break 2013! Then I posted an Adventure Time one, and an Endless Ocean one... Then I started Gravity Falls!"

"Umm. Well... I don't know how to interpret that, so I guess I'll just tell you about my self."

"I was born in North Carolina to two doctors, and I had an Autistic brother. After I learned to talk, I forced my brother to talk, so now, because of me, my brother can speak."

"I moved to Texas in 2005, and I immediately made friends with the little girl across the street. Her name was Shelby. We spent every single day together, and we stood up for each other."

"In fourth grade, she was homeschooled, so I had no one to stand up for me. No one would ever be mean to us, because we were the unstoppable tuo. But when she left, people started to bully me, because I was always happy."

"She moved in fifth grade, and that year, I made best friends with a girl I had known as long as I had known Shelby, and her Name was Eva. I also made friends with A Vietnamese girl, Yen, and another girl named Aly."

"That year, me and Yen were very close. We had to do a program in PE called Hoops for Heart, and we played basketball for heart disease."

"Me and Yen didn't know how to play, so we didn't spread out. And we were humiliated in front of the whole class."

"The next month, me and Yen were walking, and an - excuse my language- Asshole, Brando, and my crush, Landon, were teasing us. they said, 'We dare you two to kiss, and we'll pay you five dollars if you do the tongue.' Needless to say, I hate Brando, And I don't have a crush on Landon anywore."

"Then, in sixth grade, Yen Moved, and I was left with Eva, My forever BFF, and Aly."

"Aly's mom and Dad were getting in divorce, and she wanted to spend the night with me. I said no, but she wouldn't take that for an answer. I told her I was having lessons, and I was going shopping, and she said that she would bring her money, when she didn't."

"We went to the horse lessons, and she asked if she could get on the horse for five minutes to see how it felt. She stayed on the whole time, and we had to pay $35 for her.'

"Then we went to the mall. I had to pay a $10 Dinner, an $18 tank top, a $16 necklace, and a shirt."

"So this is the story on the shirt. We're in Justice, and she see's a 1D shirt. She tells me it's only $6, and asks me if she can get it. I tell my mom, and she goes to try it on. My mom says that when she came out of the dressing room and handed her the shirt, it felt like she was saying 'Here, pay for this."

"The Next day, I found out that the shirt was actually $76. After than, I made her swear that if we were no longer friends, that she would have to give it back."

"A while passed, and there came a time when I was calling one of my other friends, named Mackenzie, Mackin-kin. Aly got mad, and she said that she shouldn't call her that."

"SO I will give you two ways that this happened, My way, and her, suck-up, little angel, teacher's pet way."

"My way: I said calmly that if she wanted me to stop calling her that, then they needed to stop calling me by my real name. She got all mad, and started changing the subject."

"'You said to everybody at school that my sister was mean!' She said. I explained that she said to everyone at school that my brother walked literally 3 feet from his bathroom to bedroom in the nude. As I said before, my brother has autism, so he can't think that well. She stormed off, and I went after her. She plugged her ears, and I pulled her finger out and told her that she needed to give me the stuff back."

"Her way: I screamed and cussed at her, and when she calmly walked away, then I ran up to her, and I pulled her to the ground and threatened her with her life. She ran off to tell and I was the one that got in trouble."

"After that, she begged me back, and I was stupid enough to take her back."

"After that, she started talking about us behind our back. 'Eva's a self-centered bitch that only thinks about herself.' Eva runs five miles everyday, and only has healthy things because she thinks she is fat, When she isn't 'Ariel is nothing but an Emo cutter.' Yes, my friend Ariel is a punk band lover, but she really is nice. 'Mackenzie is flat-chested.' Not true. And this is what Eva told me Aly said. 'I hate Clara. The only reason I'm her friend is because she's rich.'"

"She moved this summer because her parents are getting in divorce, so I really am glad."

"Thanks for reading that very boring story on my life... but really, even when stuff like this happens, it always gets better." She smiles.

"Make sure you read Snivy and Milly's fanfictions! They are awesome!"

"Clara has to get hopped up on Smile Dip again to heal Dipper and teleport him back to Gravity Falls." Snivy says.

"See you next time!" Clara yells and takes out a packet of smile dip.


	4. Chapter 4

Crackerduck is sitting in a bed, in a shabby room.

"Hey guys. This is just going to be a laid back addition, 'cause I'm really tired." She yawns.

"I just want to say, before I answer questions, I just wanna say that I posted a story on Wattpad, and I'll tell you what it is when I actually have a chapter posted... And, I heard Dipper saying to Mabel backstage that he didn't want a relationship... you should be suspicious Snivy..."

"First is from clicheusername1234."

"_Ask author questions (because why not?);_

_Favorite FanFiction (not yours):_

_Favorite FanFiction (yours):_

_Fav AU:_

_Fav OTP:"_

"definitely Falling Into Gravity Falls. I really love that story SO FREAKING MUCH!"

"Mine would have to be... ESR(DE). It was SO fun to write."

"Assuming that means Alternate Universe and not the Chemical Symbol for Gold, then... Gravity Falls, of course!"

"I don't know... maybe... yeah. I got nothing."

"Next is from, TheBigZ1."

"_How many crushes and boyfriends have you had?_

_How did you come up with your username?_

_Have you read any of my own fics?"_

Her eyes widen. "Um... I can't count... and I had 1 boyfriend... Ever. But if you count dating the same guy twice two boyfriends, then I have had two."

"I have no smile dipping idea."

"Yes! I especially loved Colors In The Sky. You guys should read it!"

"This one is from LPSDragon."

"_Who is best pony?"_

"PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle, 'cause they all remind me of myself."

"That's it for today, sorry Dipper wasn't here, but it is 1:16 now, and I'm sure he doesn't want to be disturbed."

"Really and truly guys, thank you all SO much! I could never do this without you, you guys mean the world to me. If only I could get the Duck Army to come to my school to show them that I do have friends other that the only three that I hang out with."

"I Love you guys SO MUCH!"

"New Series coming out. It might be a DipperxOC, 'cause the main girl has a crush on Dipper... Plus, I need a name for the main girl, SO SUGGEST! The one I like the best will be used."

She winks. "Reality is an Illusion. The Universe is a Hologram. Buy Gold. BYE!"


End file.
